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9.
Face
Generally, you'll discover that people insist on buying you drinks
and meals, giving you gifts, food and cigarettes. If you refuse,
they'll insist some more. The more you refuse, the more they insist,
and so on. Usually, you'll give up and accept what's been offered.
(With cigarettes, however, it is increasingly common to get away
with a simple "I don't smoke.")
What is happening during these rituals of insistence and refusal
is an exchange of "face" (mian tze). The giver is actually gaining
face, and while the receiver does not gain face, he or she must
be careful not to appear too eager to receive a gift, or else they
will lose face.
Face is something similar to the Western concept of a good reputation,
only more highly valued. It is gained by demonstrating the willingness
- and the wherewithal - to share. Generosity is the essence of face.
And accepting friends' generosity (with a show of polite reluctance)
is a way for people of lesser means and social standing to give
something of value to others.
Of course, this means that giving is actually getting, and if you
always receive, you'll lose in the long run. That's why it is common
to see friends fighting each other at restaurant cash registers.
As a "foreign friend," you'll perpetually find yourself in the position
of guest, and probably encounter a free meal or two. But those who
stay in Taiwan for any length of time, especially business people,
might want to start thinking of inventive ways to beat your associates
to the bill; you'll rise in their esteem.
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